Comedian Ben Schwartz gives funny dating advice and how to deal with ex-girlfriends
If you are have problems in your personal life, or if you can’t find a suitable girl to date, then have no fear, because Ben Schwartz is here!! The comedian recently shared his quite a few dating advice, how to deal with ex-girlfriends and also how to deal with annoying people.
The Peep World actor gave his advice through Esquire’s ‘Ask a Comedian’ series while on an interview with the magazine. Though Schwartz helped men with their problems, the man jokingly warned them not to follow any of his advice.
"I'm so afraid of saying something that someone will actually do," the comedian sounded skeptical about giving dating tips. But later, we found out that Schwartz was indeed pretty perfect at this job as he connected to his fans with his funny tips and comic timing. While his answers were funny, the questions asked by his fans were even funnier. Let’s check out a few Q/A.
A person named Patrick from Roanoke asked Schwartz whether he should burn his ex's house. The reason? She cheated on him and then blamed it on him for being boring. And this is what the Love Guru said: “Okay, Patrick, listen. First of all, calm down. Please do not burn down your ex-girlfriend's house. But, at the same time, if she felt that you were so boring, maybe you could impress her with the fact that you had this outrageous idea. Just be like, "You'll never believe what I just thought of to get you back." See if that mends the road of boredom.” LOL
His next advice seeker was Jenny from Boulder, who asked something different. She was not interested in dating tips, but rather about a dog next door.
“The dog that lives next door to me literally never stops barking and the old lady who owns him doesn't even seem to notice. I'm going crazy. What should I do?” she asked.
Schwartz answered: “Get whatever is higher on the volume food chain at your house. So if she has a dog, get a Velociraptor. Have him bark or screech and see if it pisses her off. The worst thing that could happen is that then she gets a T-Rex. But I think a Velociraptor should easily solve it.”
Paul from San Diego asked where one could get hobbies. “My girlfriend told me I need to find a hobby because I spend too much time sleeping and smoking pot. But I don't know if I'm interested in anything. How does one get hobbies?”
“It sounds like one of your hobbies is e-mailing questions to Esquire, so you're already halfway there. But what I would do is log what's happening in your life between sleeping and smoking weed. Mark off the things you enjoy. Those are going to be your hobbies,” Schwartz suggested. Ha h!! seriously, he is the funniest man in the whole world.
Here are a few more advices that the comedian passed on to the people.
Hey Ben, I get the feeling sometimes that I was born to be celibate. A bachelor 'til the rapture. Do you think this is possible for someone?
Yes, there are absolutely human beings in the world who have made the choice to be celibate because it suits their lifestyle very well. But before you make that decision, Google "pornography."
I just ate a whole tube of toothpaste. Not sure why, just seemed right. In your experience, what should my next step be?
—Hunter, South Bend
Eat a toothbrush.
Advice needed: How does one go about making Ben Schwartz fall in love with her?
—Emma, New York City
Whatever it is you're doing, it's working.
I feel like I'm really uneducated about politics and current events, and I want to be better about staying informed this year. Where should I start?
CNN.com. Or text Barack Obama.
Out of all these tips, one that touched our heart was one that his gave to Jackie from Boston.
The guy has been thinking of getting married to his girlfriend and wanted his best buddy to be part of the wedding and process. But as his friend hated his lover, he was in a dilemma. So he wanted Ben to help him with a way to tell it to his soon to be wife.
And this is what Ben said: “This is a great question for me because I got ordained to marry my best friend to his wife. It was so fun. I wrote the whole ceremony and helped with the vows and it was wonderful. So my real advice would be if your best friend sees how much you care about and love the person you're marrying, it will all work itself out. They'll see how much love is in your heart and everything will be fine.” Aw! That’s so sweet, isn’t it?
If you need solution to your problems, you can email him on [email protected] or follow him on Twitter.